By tmcbpatriot | December 11, 2011 | 1 Comment
The Donald! I have to talk to you! Don’t cancel your debate show! I know, you got only two RSVP’s from Rick “oily discharge” Santorum and Newt, but think of this as a good thing. You don’t need the others! Remember who you are! You are the host of The Apprentice! Besides, since when do you care about a full cast of “A-List” participants?
Newt’s on board, Donald. That is quite enough. Think of Newt as your Brett Michaels. He is the guy everybody loves to hate. And like Brett, he has been around since the 80′s. Plus, he is the one all the women fall over themselves for. I mean, who can forget Newt’s awesome blow job story, once they hear it that is:
Kip Carter, who lived a few doors down from the couple, saw more than he wanted to. “We had been out working a football game…It was a Friday night. I had Newt’s daughters, Jackie Sue and Kathy, with me. We were all supposed to meet back at this professor’s house. I was cutting across the yard to go up the driveway. There was a car there. As I got to the car, I saw Newt in the passenger seat and one of the guys’ wives with her head in his lap going up and down. Newt kind of turned and gave me his little-boy smile. Fortunately, Jackie Sue and Kathy were a lot younger and shorter then.
Then there is Rick Santorum. He is just like…well….Rick Santorum. But that is not all Donald. I don’t know if your agent mentioned this to you, but there are a host of others who would jump at the chance to be on your show. In case you are unaware, I wanted to remind you of the long list of Republican presidential candidates who are all still running right now. I guarantee you they would love, I mean LOVE, to talk to you.
I have compiled the list of them here:
Jimmy “The Rent is too damn high” McMillan (Your Gary Busey go-to!)
and of course, Vern Wuensche
Donald, they are sitting by the phone as I write this, I promise you. Sure you may never have heard of most of these guys, but there are a few with minor name recognition at least. This is right up your alley Donald. As you have shown with The Apprentice, minor name recognition is enough. Think about the ratings Gary Busey generated for you, not to mention Dionne Warwick, David Cassidy, Mark McGrath and Meat Loaf. Need I say more?
Donald, you are a showman. You are the P.T. Barnum of our day. Would Barnum have let an opportunity for press and narcissism pass him by? I don’t think so. And neither should you. Think of your brand. When I wear your signature ties and sunglasses I want to be proud to wear your name emblazoned on the front. When I watch ION Television, provided it is not windy outside and I can get my antenna high enough on the roof, I want to know that they have not been let down by your shortsightedness.
All of these Republican presidential candidates are just dying to meet you Donald. They are dying to be on your debate TV show. They want your acknowledgment. They want to meet you in NY for pizza and to be a part of whatever you are doing. You owe it to them Donald. You have ignored them for too long. This is also your chance to sell your new book, and to be true to your calling as a brain cell killing game show host who promotes has-beens and the washed up. Donald, you owe us this much. You owe television this much.
So get to work Donald and give us something to watch on December 27th, before the folks at MeTV beat you to the punch.
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