I Am Rush Limbaugh’s Wife

By tmcbpatriot | March 1, 2012 | 25 Comments

Hello. My name is Kathryn Rogers. You might not know me, but I am Rush Limbaugh’s wife.

I felt it was time to come out of the shadows and respond to the hate mail we have been getting after what my husband said this week about women and contraception. By now you have heard the comments and are probably wondering, what kind of woman marries a man who says such things? How could a woman be willing to let a man who says such things kiss her? Touch her? Get into the same bed with her? Well, I wanted to let you all know the answers to these questions. I hope it sheds some light on the situation and opens up the conversation.

I am Rush’s fourth wife. Yes, lucky number four, as I like to refer to myself. Rush and I met in 2006. I was working as a party planner and Rush was working the party. It was love at first sight. What I mean to say is that Rush thought I was totally hot. It took me a little longer, I have to admit.

Once I got to know him better, I really started to fall in love with him. How could you not? He is so handsome and cuddly, and so sexy. Sure he was married before, but that is only a testament to his wild nature, something I really love about him. Like for example, his first wife was named Roxy. What a slutty name, right? She was a sales secretary at the radio station where he worked at the time. I kid him by calling her his Loni Anderson.

Following Roxy, Rush married a college student who was an “usherette” at a baseball stadium. Her name was Michelle Sixta. I joke that it kind of sounds like “Sexta.” He always cracks up when I tell him that. And boy was she a slut. She would use contraception without even telling Rush about it. Not that he ever wanted children. Why would he? Who would want those rug rats anyway? Life is too short and there is too much shopping to do.

Conquest number three for my Rushypoo was a horrid woman named Marta Fitzgerald. She was an aerobics instructor. Can you believe that? They met online. I mean, how slutty is that? This woman paid money to meet men on the internet. You know who pays money to meet men on the internet? Loser whores! That’s who!

People could argue that men pay a membership fee for online dating too. Just the other day Rush and I were talking about this and he had a great idea. If men are going to pay a membership fee to meet women, if men are expected to pay for this, then men want something in return — videos of all the sex posted online so they can see what they’re getting for their money. I thought that was great. I think he used that one on his show the very next day.

So all you sensitive people out there who are offended by how my Rush talks about women on his radio program, I say to you get a life! Rush requires a certain kind of woman to handle him, and it’s not you! Jealous? He requires someone who is not a contraceptive using slut. Someone who is willing to light his cigars, buy him oxycodone and hydrocodone, and someone to protect him from all the hateful sluts out there who just do not understand him.

So stop hating on my man! On second thought, don’t. All the hate on my husband actually improves his ratings. To me that means one thing — I get a raise in my al-low-ance! Holla!! And there is this cute dress that I have had my eye on. It is this short, hot little thing that is so slu….I mean conservatively classy. You would love me in it.

Tootles!

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Comments

Yellowdoggranny

I think I wouldn’t fuck Rush if I could use someone else’s vagina.
Anonymous

A piece of arm candy, 4th in line for marriage, to a man who buys so many viagra that he has to purchase them wholesale in other peoples names, married to a drug addict, married to a man who travels away from home without his wife and carries a suitcase full of viagra, married to a man who pushes hate for a living. Credibility? I think not.
Sheshe241980

Lucky number 4 hmm? Oh you mean Lucky gold digger! Seriously you should be ashamed! That’s just plain nasty and you Kathryn Rogers are as mental as your counterpart.. So please run along until Lucky Number 5 catches whatshisnames eye/dick whatever k? thanx
Liberal Linda

Everybody knows that the ignorant slut married the Lard-ass pig just for the money, since she really knew Limp-Dick truely prefers little boys for sex. The thought of the obese pig bonking his paid for young boys from the Dominican Republic makes me want to throw up.
Heubler, green-felt demigod

Playing Rush Roulette.

But to really have a chance at winning, you’ve got to get his heart rate up. Suggest a three-way, with the gardener’s 10 year old son.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Lynne-Larson/1617441261 Lynne Larson

Satire, guys.

Diana

I’m awfully disappointed that you and I seem to be the only ones who recognize that.

Anonymous

Add me to that list. I love that people miss the satire piece of it. Maybe it will go viral before Maddow realizes it is satire.

http://profiles.google.com/glennisw250 Glennis Waterman

Would it be irresponsible to speculate? It would be irresponsible not to!
Diana B

As soon as she wrote how “handsome, cuddly (!?) and sexy (???) he is, could you not tell that this was completely satire?
Anonymous

Satire yes….Far Fetched? Doubtful. I was channeling. Thanks for the comments and for visiting the site. Check back often. Sign up for automatic posts.

Wild Bill

I realized very quickly that this had to be satire, which I love, and the thought came very quickly while reading your post that if the tongue had been any sharper, you would have cut your cheek Great post. And for those above who don’t seem to understand satire, one of the ways “satire” can be translated in Chinese is, “laughter with knives”.

Anonymous

Thanks for the comment. I love that some think it is really her writing. Maybe Rush will read it too and ask his wife why she went public like that.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1587805420 David Harrison

Just ran across this. The reason they all think she really wrote it is because they are liberals. No conservative would ever be that dense. I had the good common sense to realize the satire three sentences into it. I’m a huge Rush fan, but I like your satirical bit. Very well done, not overstated. Pretty funny, made me laugh!

mrspeel2

Wow. After reading this letter to those of us who have had the nerve to criticize your husband, I can see things much more clearly now.

Thanks Kathryn, for clarifying that he is an even bigger liar than we thought he was and that you are a very naive wife who believes whatever he says. Yes indeed, you two certainly deserve each other.

P.S. Don’t forget he married all of his wives without any arm twisting so he’s hardly an innocent in his choices.
Lokywoky

Rush doesn’t understand how birth control pills work – he thinks they are like viagra – you have to take one every time you have sex. Of course he also doesn’t worry about birth control with his wife because he’s too busy boinking little boys in the Dominican Republic – just like his friends, the Catholic bishops.
Guest

You married him and stick with him cause you’re a prostitute. That’s what a woman is who gets with a man for nothing but his money right? Oh wait I meant it as a joke so does that make it cool now? Anyways it’s easy money for you cause as wife number three revealed you don’t even have to sleep with him, just a cover up wife so his conservative base doesn’t learn the truth about his sexuality.
Darius

So, the woman Rush met online was a desperate slut who met men online…what does that make him?
http://profile.yahoo.com/7PQWM6VC7L7TCGSS37MC4SOOFM Hmmm….

I just threw up!
Lindawson

Seriously ? you certainly don’t sound very educated which I think must be appealing to the good ol’ boy. No one has a beef with you, but if you continue to post articles that are barely literate, if you speak ( or write ) as you do, the ‘beef’ will turn to pity.
Noname

“The wife” sounds about as unintelligent has her husband. Isn’t it a wonderful wife who buys her husband his oxycodone. I only hope that he buys her the birth control to prevent the two of them from procreating!
barbaraj

This isn’t satire, it’s identity theft.
paul

If you can type what ever you want on this page and they don’t censor it, why would anyone waste their time with personal insults. 911 Truth anybody?
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Guest

I am rush limbough’s wife, and I have been hiding in the shadows because I am a fucking idiot incapable of independent thought