By tmcbpatriot | March 1, 2012 | 30 Comments
I felt it was time to come out of the shadows and respond to the hate mail we have been getting after what my husband said this week about women and contraception. By now you have heard the comments and are probably wondering, what kind of woman marries a man who says such things? How could a woman be willing to let a man who says such things kiss her? Touch her? Get into the same bed with her? Well, I wanted to let you all know the answers to these questions. I hope it sheds some light on the situation and opens up the conversation.
I am Rush’s fourth wife. Yes, lucky number four, as I like to refer to myself. Rush and I met in 2006. I was working as a party planner and Rush was working the party. It was love at first sight. What I mean to say is that Rush thought I was totally hot. It took me a little longer, I have to admit.
Once I got to know him better, I really started to fall in love with him. How could you not? He is so handsome and cuddly, and so sexy. Sure he was married before, but that is only a testament to his wild nature, something I really love about him. Like for example, his first wife was named Roxy. What a slutty name, right? She was a sales secretary at the radio station where he worked at the time. I kid him by calling her his Loni Anderson.
Following Roxy, Rush married a college student who was an “usherette” at a baseball stadium. Her name was Michelle Sixta. I joke that it kind of sounds like “Sexta.” He always cracks up when I tell him that. And boy was she a slut. She would use contraception without even telling Rush about it. Not that he ever wanted children. Why would he? Who would want those rug rats anyway? Life is too short and there is too much shopping to do.
Conquest number three for my Rushypoo was a horrid woman named Marta Fitzgerald. She was an aerobics instructor. Can you believe that? They met online. I mean, how slutty is that? This woman paid money to meet men on the internet. You know who pays money to meet men on the internet? Loser whores! That’s who!
People could argue that men pay a membership fee for online dating too. Just the other day Rush and I were talking about this and he had a great idea. If men are going to pay a membership fee to meet women, if men are expected to pay for this, then men want something in return — videos of all the sex posted online so they can see what they’re getting for their money. I thought that was great. I think he used that one on his show the very next day.
So all you sensitive people out there who are offended by how my Rush talks about women on his radio program, I say to you get a life! Rush requires a certain kind of woman to handle him, and it’s not you! Jealous? He requires someone who is not a contraceptive using slut. Someone who is willing to light his cigars, buy him oxycodone and hydrocodone, and someone to protect him from all the hateful sluts out there who just do not understand him.
So stop hating on my man! On second thought, don’t. All the hate on my husband actually improves his ratings. To me that means one thing — I get a raise in my al-low-ance! Holla!! And there is this cute dress that I have had my eye on. It is this short, hot little thing that is so slu….I mean conservatively classy. You would love me in it.
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